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STAR TREK: ENTERPRISE TWELFTH NIGHT A BLOGSCRIPT   Started 06/01/2010 A Production of The House of L'Stok

Title Page

Star Trek: Shakespeare
STSH-1.1
Star Trek Enterprise: Twelfth Night
A fan-produced script written by
Kirok of L'Stok

Silvertongue Productions	Version 2.5 SCRIPT
L'Stok Manor	January 7, 2010
Southern Highlands, NSW	A Fan Production
kirok.lieferikson@gmail.com	Original Copyrights Respected

Forward - On Shakespearean Appropriations

What does it mean to do an appropriation? I mean a good one, because we're not just working with someone's fanfic here. I'm working with Old Bill's script here and if you don't get it right there's a special Hell that critic's reserve just especially for Shakespeare gone bad! Well, to appropriate means to take something and use it for your own purposes. It is often used as a synonym for stealing and when you think about it, if Old Bill were alive today, a cease and desist from CBS / Paramount would be the least of my worries, I'd probably be defending myself against a charge of plagiarism!

Or would I?

I like to think that it's just as likely that he'd punch me in the shoulder, demand I take him down the pub and buy him a schooner of beer ... and who is this Quentin Tarantino character anyway?

He'd laugh it off because, that's pretty much what he was doing himself! Old Bill would be no respecter of copyright today! His plays were, for the most part, appropriations of the type of material that the upper middle class, his target audience, thought of as "cultured".

Culture. It's all in the eye of the beholder! If Italy was the Hollywood of the Elizabethan age then London was Bollywood, or Hong Kong, or Vancouver! I imagine his rooms in Whitechapel to be strewn with books, but not dusty old tomes lined up on shelves to simply act like trophies of an Oxford education and a Grand Tour of the continent. They'd be worn and dog-eared copies of Latin classics, broadsheets and pamphlets - some of which he might have ghosted himself to pay his debts! By contrast, locked in a coffer at the base of his bed, you'd also find carefully wrapped copies of the latest bestsellers from Milan, Venice and Rome, given or lent to him by patrons in the hope that they might stir his muse.

And they were usually right, for Shakespeare had appropriation down to a fine art! His plays might have been based on the work of others but they were adapted specifically to his audience. They were written for a city populated by merchants and diplomats, artisans and courtesans, seamen and cutpurses. It was the capital of a small country whose merchant adventurers sailed the world and brought back riches of questionable origin.

Shakespeare wrote for an audience that was smart , cosmopolitan and intellectually challenging. In an age when politics and religion were irrevocably intertwined, England was a Protestant island state in a Catholic sea. The popular house of Tudor was coming to a barren end with England's beloved 'Virgin Queen', Elizabeth, and only three generations later, their culture was to be torn asunder by a vicious civil war where the divine right of kings was forever capped by the rule of parliament.

So, sure appropriation might be stealing but I’ll bet Old Bill would only charge me a beer as long as I did it prettily.

ah, d'ye mind if I borrow a couple of these DVD thingies off ye as well? What was his name again, Lucas?

Act I Scene I

		SCENE: Illyria station in orbit over Risa in the Mirror Universe
		ACT I. SCENE I. The quarters of Cpt ARCHER on Illyria Station
	MUSIC	[CROSS FADE] Scene change from production theme to Risa theme which starts to sound slightly “tinny” until we hear that it is coming from primitive speakers as …
		ARCHER is standing staring out of a view port looking down at Risa below. The chime goes of at his door
	MUSIC	[Bed] Ethnic Risa music – vaguely oriental playing in the room
	MU ARCHER	Enter!
		Door slides open, Lieutenant steps through, door closes. Archer approaches eager for news
	MU ARCHER	Well? What did she say?
	Lt VALENTINE	Sir! I... Tried my best but I couldn't get past her new “Imperial” guard. She's so paranoid about assassination that...
	MU ARCHER	[THREATENING] You didn't even see her?
	Lt VALENTINE	[PANICKY] Sir, I tried everything, the presents, the bribes, I called in favours from old friends but she says she is in mourning for Captain Forrest
	MU ARCHER	[ASIDE] She was using him as much as she was using me! [ALOUD] How do I know you didn't just turn and run at the door?
		Whips Phase Pistol from holster and holds it to the man's neck
	MU ARCHER	Didn't I emphasise it strongly enough to you that I need to see her again? How can I convey the importance of your mission to you?
	Lt VALENTINE	Sir! [TERRIFIED] I tried everything! Threats, bribes... there's nothing that could get me past her retainers!
		Puts pistol back into holster, turns as if to move away but then spins back and strikes man across the face
	MU ARCHER	Get out of my sight!
	MU ARCHER	[SHOUTS] And turn off that damn caterwauling!!
		As Valentine scrambles to get up and out of the room, Archer walks back to the view port. When he gets there he picks up his wine goblet and flings it against the wall
	MU ARCHER	[ASIDE] Its not music or wine that I need! Its her! She's the only one who's ever left me... I want her back!... and the Defiant [SLYLY] Yes, the Defiant...
	MUSIC	[CROSS FADE] Scene change from Archer theme to Risa theme
		~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Act I Scene II

		SCENE II. The medical laboratory of Dr Arik Soong on board his renegade Klingon Bird Of Prey)
	MUSIC	[Bed] Suspenseful - Up - Establish - Continue under.
		Dark and murky atmosphere with a red tinge to the lighting. Vaguely medical scientific equipment along the walls and on island units that the camera pans across until it lands on a bio bed where we see naked feet.
	MUSIC	[Sting] - Continue under - Building
		Cut to shot from head of bed as the person on it sits bolt upright, gasping for breath. Seen from the back, long dark hair falls over bare shoulders. Pan around her, zooming in until we get a a profile head and shoulders shot, enough so that we can see that she is female
		In the background we hear the doors slide open and closed and her head snaps around smartly to face it, alert for trouble.
		Floor shot showing boots walking quickly across the floor, three pairs, clattering across the steel decks, stopping in front of the bed.
	SOONG	(AFFECTIONATELY)it is good to have you back with us!
		SOONG starts to run a tricorder over her.
	SOONG	Michelle! Don't move please! I want to check how the regenerators have affected your system
	MICHELLE REED	Father! Did it work?
	SOONG	[GENTLY] The general physical attributes – height, weight, features – they were all replicated but...
	MICHELLE REED	[BITTERLY] So it didn't work!
	SOONG	A DNA transfer was unlikely to work Michelle, you know that. We were lucky to get as much of Major Reed's characteristics imprinted on your DNA as we did.
	MICHELLE REED	Father, this was our last hope of survival, to infiltrate Archer's command circle and bring him to our side
	SOONG	There are just some things that are imprinted on our DNA right down to the sub-atomic particle level and what makes Reed a man and you a woman are one of them.
	MICHELLE REED	argh! Of all of your children, why was I the only one that was the right mass for the transfer? If only it could have been one of the boys! I have failed you.
	SOONG	Nonsense! Michelle, never feel anything less than the immaculate young woman that you are [SMILES] You are as close to genetically perfect as any of the augments, which makes you a thousand times better than that butcher, Reed
	SOONG	The only unfortunate thing is that you will now go through life looking like Major Malcolm Reed's twin sister
	MICHELLE REED	[SURPRISED] So I do look like him?
	SOONG	Height, weight, basic facial features [BEAT] without the scars of course. [BEAT] Why? What are you getting at?
	SOONG	No! I won't allow it! You might fool a DNA scanner but the first person to see you [BEAT] I mean, military life is close and ...
	MICHELLE REED	[EXCITED] Reed is a major and would have his own quarters, I could say that I don't want anyone to see the remaining scars
	SOONG	Your voice isn't deep enough
	MICHELLE REED	A defect in the regeneration tank
	SOONG	Your ... uh ... chest
	MICHELLE REED	I've been working out! [LAUGHS] I could do this!
	SOONG	Michelle, its not just your looks that could give you away. You are the pick of the worlds most magnificent genes and your education has been designed to match the perfect mind to your perfect body. But your only experience of life has been with your brothers and sisters and the few educators who can keep up with you!
	SOONG	You know little of the world outside our family. It is a world that has been shaped by war and terror. These people are morally stunted cretins compared to you but they control weapons that can destroy whole worlds.
	SOONG	If you make one slip they will not just kill you but do it in the most painful way possible because to do any less would be to show weakness.
	SOONG	All they value is strength. And power.
	SOONG	Why take such a reckless risk? We will find some other way of finding a place to be free.
	MICHELLE REED	Before the Empress finds us and eliminates us as the one risk that could destroy her and her precious empire?
	MALE AUGMENT	Father, every time we move we risk discovery and now that they have the ship from the future...
	SOONG	[THINKING ALOUD] There are sophisticated sensors on that ship that I have no way of guarding against.
	SOONG	I will allow this! But only because we are so close to discovery. Michelle, if there were any other way I would not allow you to place yourself into so much danger
	MICHELLE REED	Danger? [LAUGHS DEVILISHLY] The day that I am in danger from one of these worms ... I'll marry him!
		Fade to black
		~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Act I Scene III

	Scene III. A bar on Risa
	Darkness persists for a second then a spotlight cuts through the pitch to a stage where we see a female torch singer standing at a microphone. She starts to sing an exotic equivalent of the blues which fades into the background as the camera pans over a crowded nightclub floor...
MUSIC	[Bed] The blues number continues under the rest of the scene.
	to finally rest on a dingy table where we see a familiar face – Dr Phlox. He is not in his normal, birdlike, high spirits but is a melancholy drunk, staring at his drink.
	A hand comes out of the dark and slaps him across the face
CUTLER	Is this the best you can do?
	Phlox jumps, surprised. Cut to youngish woman who has slipped into the booth opposite him. It is Nurse Cutler, an old friend from the Enterprise.
CUTLER	[Sneering] The great Dr Phlox!
PHLOX	[Relaxing] Oh, its you!
CUTLER	You were going to break down the boundaries of medical science! The emperor was going to be so grateful that he was going to grant you unlimited funding! What happened?
PHLOX	[Hungover/Drunk] I got greedy. Go away! [His head sinks into his hands]
CUTLER	You backed the wrong side. I didn't.
PHLOX	[Deadpan] I'm so happy for you. [Bitterly] I'm alive! Although I'm sure I don't know why after what happened on the Defiant!
CUTLER	What happened on the Defiant could be the key to your future!
PHLOX	[Head snaps up, suspicious] What do you mean?
CUTLER	I mean... the Empress Hoshi trusts no one but she has a [Beat] unique way of handling her enemies. Some are too dangerous to let live, but some are too valuable to die. You proved that you were very valuable on the Enterprise and she needs a doctor in her retinue.
PHLOX	But I backed the wrong side! I was loyal to the emperor!
CUTLER	Yes, but you were loyal none-the-less. You are being given one chance to change that allegiance, to join her household and prove yourself loyal to her!
PHLOX	[Suspicious] What about you? What are you doing serving such a sadistic mistress?
CUTLER	I could be a good doctor but because I won't use my body as a bargaining chip, I'm destined to stay a nurse, the servant of Empire toadies. Sato might have slept her way to the top, but she's no fool. She surrounds herself with people who really are the best at what they do rather than survivalists. I can respect that. There are things I want to do with my life and this could be my ticket to doing them.
PHLOX	[Interested] What have I got to lose? I have nothing. No-one else will even let me on their ship. I'm just a fool to amuse them now, the Denobulan who thought he could meddle in Empire politics.
	Pause
PHLOX	I'll do it!
	He flings his arms wide in a theatrical gesture that smashes his tankard against the wall leaving him with just a handle which he looks at then tosses to the floor with a careless gesture
PHLOX	Lead on good nurse! I'll play the fool for the Empress 'cos wit can wound more subtly than steel.
	The Nurse gabs him and starts to drag him towards the exit, shushing him. He weaves beside her, carried away with his speech
PHLOX	Barb the epithets! Load my pen with poison.
CUTLER	Shut up you drunken fool! If this is a battle of wits you're sailing into you're sunk before you fire a shot!
	Stops dead so suddenly that he pulls free of her grasp, standing with hands on hips. Points to nurse and raises voice so that whole bar can hear. Starts mock ship battle with bar crowd egging them on
PHLOX	Red alert! Enemy at bearing 112 mark 5! Shiance ossifer, Identify! [BEAT] Nothing to worry about sir, its just an old scow
	Cutler purses her lips and makes a grab for him but he slips past her and picks up a bottle from a nearby table
PHLOX	Shields at half a litre sir! [pauses and peers at bottle] and they're green!
	Cutler puts hands on hips and narrows eyes
CUTLER	You'll need more than shields if I get my hands on you!
PHLOX	She's hailing us captain![Starts to walk around her] She's disguised as a cruiser but she's old [Beat, crowd laughs] battered [Beat] and waaay too broad at the beam! [Slaps her on the rear and staggers off towards the bar, laughing]
	Cutler looks surprised, shocked then angry! Marches up behind him and grabs him by the collar. Cut to doctors face: startled
PHLOX	Argh! She's a Klingon!
	Cutler swings him around, face first into a column.
CUTLER	[Angry] Klingon to this!
	Doctor does slapstick fall onto his back on the dance floor. Everyone is laughing now and she starts to play to the crowd as well.
CUTLER	Its no use captain! she's too much for us! [Kneels next to him and lifts his head – he's out cold – then lets it fall] Sensors are down! [She picks up bottle, stands and rolls him on his back with her foot] We're dead in space. Phew! [Wafts hand in front of face at unpleasant smell] ...and venting plasma from all decks! Oh No! [Uncorks bottle] We've got a coolant leak! [Pours contents of bottle over his head]
	She tosses the bottle on top of him then lifts her hands, palm up and shrugs. The crowd breaks into applause. Doctor starts to come 'round and she helps him up to a sitting position
PHLOX	[Groaning] Someone turn that damn alarm off! [Picks up empty bottle and squints at it] Where has all the Dilithium gone?
CUTLER	Come on you old derelict! I honestly don't know what I see in you.
PHLOX	Its my irresistible femanones... [Beat] meraphones... [Beat. Smiles drunkenly] My charm! [Puckers up for a kiss]
CUTLER	[Pulls back from his breath] Doctor, your charm could kill a zark right now! Come on! Get up!
	He staggers to his feet and she pushes him towards the door. He collides with the door jamb but bounces off, blinking – he's feeling no pain right now.
PHLOX	Thank you, m'dear
	She walks up to him and he looks thoughtful for a second
PHLOX	Why am I wet?

Act I Scene IV

		SCENE IV. The quarters of Cpt ARCHER on Illyria Station
		Enter two Starfleet officers, Valentine and Curio
	LT VALENTINE	Do you know anything about this new officer, Major Reed? He's certainly shot into the Captain's good graces quickly.
	LT CURIO	[Stunned – Catches Valentine by the sleeve] Are you kidding? Wait, you didn't serve with Archer on the Enterprise did you? Reed is a killer! He's ruthless, he doesn't even know the meaning of the word mercy! I've seen him send one of his own men to the agoniser just for sneezing on inspection!
		Valentine pulls his arm away
	VALENTINE	I don't care what sort of a brute he is, the captain deserves the best
	CURIO	Val, I know you're very [Beat] protective towards Archer but be careful. I'm not joking, this guy Reed is the most lethal MACO I've ever known, so if you cross him, you'll be a dead man in seconds.
		Michelle Reed enters. She's in a Mirror Universe Starfleet uniform which hides her shape and her long hair has been cut down to a pageboy style. The two lieutenants jump to attention and give the MU salute. Michelle looks a little taken aback but snaps off a salute in return, wincing slightly when she hits her chest
	MICHELLE REED	At ease men [Voice is a little high so continues gruffly] Name and rank!
	VALENTINE	Lieutenant Valentine, sir!
	CURIO	Lieutenant Curio, sir!
		Michelle strolls around them, inspecting them. They start to look nervous.
	MICHELLE REED	Very good. I want a status report on the Captain's security arrangements
	VALENTINE	Sir! We have this whole section of the station assigned to us. The doors are protected by DNA locks and the outer hull is polarised with sensors set to detect any unauthorised activity.
	MICHELLE REED	Intelligence reports on possible hostile action against the captain?
		Curio stamps to attention, holding out a PADD, still staring straight ahead
	CURIO	We've identified seven distinct factions on Risa that are hostile to the captain, three neutral and only one friendly. We have intelligence gathering drones monitoring all factions. The PADD has an analysis of the results to date.
		Michelle takes the PADD and starts to flick through it, speed reading.
	MICHELLE REED	[Mumbles] Very good, very good... [Pause, looks up and tosses PADD onto a desk, turning her back on them] And what's the captains general situation?
		Curio and Val look at each other, uncertain.
	VALENTINE	Situation?
	MUSIC	Bed – Mirror Universe Reed's 'Mean Theme' - full of tension and menace
		Michelle turns again and moves between them. She's tall for a woman and leans towards each in turn as if she is sharing a secret.
	MICHELLE REED	I've been floating in a tissue regeneration tank for the past two years, gentlemen, and what do I find when I wake up? My captain is not in command of the Enterprise, he is not in command of the Defiant, he is not in command of any ship. The Archer I knew would never have allowed himself to get into this predicament, so do you know what I put it down to? [BEAT] I think he's been let down by his subordinates
		Steps back
	MICHELLE REED	Perhaps I am misjudging you gentlemen [BEAT] perhaps not. You will follow my instructions to the letter and any deviation will be acted on accordingly – by me – without warning [She is face to face with Valentine now, staring him down, menacing] Is that clear?
	VALENTINE & CURIO	Yes, SIR!
		Enter Archer
	MU ARCHER	Putting the fear of death into them already, Malcolm?
		Michelle jumps to attention herself, startled. How long had he been listening?
	MICHELLE REED	Yes, SIR!
	MU ARCHER	Good! I want you all focused on the court of the Empress – who is in it, their strengths and weaknesses. I want them out and me in! Reed!
	MICHELLE REED	Yes, sir?
		Archer is in “command mode”.
	MU ARCHER	[Coldly] You're my front line. She won't see me and she pays no attention to either of these two [Nod towards C&V] She knows you and you've gained something of a reputation over the years you've been in the tank. You're a throwback to the old times, the wild times.
	MU ARCHER	There is less instability in the current empire. Things are simpler. It all boils down to who has control of the Defiant – whoever has her is the Emperor. Hoshi has the access codes to the Defiant's main computer restricted to her alone and doesn't even allow her pet Mayweather more than navigational control.
	MU ARCHER	She needs a captain and I'm the best. If I can convince her that I'm loyal I'll be back in the centre of things again.
	MICHELLE REED	...and if not sir?
		Smiles grimly
	MU ARCHER	Then we have to try something else
	MICHELLE REED	What do I say, sir? I've not had much experience with women.
		Michelle flusters for a moment then recovers – puts on a Macho swagger to impress “the guys”
	MICHELLE REED	I mean, you just take what you want and move on, right?
		Change of tempo/atmosphere – Archer lightens up, smirks at C&V
	MU ARCHER	Use your imagination! She's a woman, you're a man! Flatter her, impress her with my good points, tell her how much I love her and I can't live without her. [BEAT] Women love that kind of thing.
		Out of Archer's line of sight and unseen by the other two, Michelle looks at Archer with an incredulous look then rolls her eyes. She continues, deadpan.
	MICHELLE REED	Right sir, I sweep her off her feet!
		Archer smiles and turns to Michelle, puts his arm across her shoulder and leans in to her confidentially.
	MU ARCHER	You shouldn't be so up-tight, Malcolm, they did a great job on you in the regeneration tank! Your skin's as smooth as a teenager's and you look like you haven't even started shaving yet! You're going to a real hit with the ladies!
		Michelle looks uncomfortable but has to play up to the situation
	MICHELLE REED	Its just been a long time since … uh … the last time and I'm not sure if everything's … working the way it should [Trails off into mumble]
		Cut to Valentine who looks surprised and sympathetic. Back to Archer and Reed, Archer chuckles
	MU ARCHER	Its just like falling off a horse, Reed, you've just got to …
		Archer and Reed together – Archer leering, Reed rolling eyes
	MU ARCHER & MICHELLE REED	get right back into the saddle!
	MICHELLE REED	Believe me sir, I have no interest in women what-so-ever at the moment
		Cut to Valentine whose eyebrows go up with a hopeful look .
	MU ARCHER	You will, Malcolm, you will.
		Michelle, aside under her breath – missed by Archer but heard by Valentine
	MICHELLE REED	[hunh] I won't Archer, believe me, I won't!
		Unseen, Valentine looks sideways at Michelle, incredulously. Archer steps away and the moment is broken. He points to C&V
	MU ARCHER	You two, escort Major Reed to the court of the Empress and do everything you can to help him.
		Curio and Valentine stamp to attention, salute and chorus...
	CURIO & VALENTINE	Yes, SIR!
	VALENTINE	I'll do everything I can to help!
		The other three look at Valentine, deadpan. He looks uncomfortable. Archer moves to stage right.
	MU ARCHER	[ASIDE]By this time tomorrow the empress … and the Defiant! … will be mine!
		Reed moves to exit stage left
	MICHELLE REED	[ASIDE]The last thing I need is for Archer to get the Empress as well as the Defiant – he has to be mine … I mean ours!
		Exit Reed. Curio follows with Valentine bringing up the rear.
	VALENTINE	[ASIDE – SIGHS]What a man!
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